Hiraeth
by TheObsessor11294
Summary: Loki escaped Thanos' grasp, fleeing to earth and hiding among it's mortals. But when SHIELD takes notice of earth's newest citizen, Loki will have to decide where his home truly lies. And what he will do to protect it.
1. Hiraeth

(n.) A homesickness for a place you can never return to; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

* * *

_Blood._

_There was blood everywhere._

_Loki stood, frozen, in the halls of Asgard, his eyes burning as he took in the gore around him._

_"No..." He breathed._

_The Allfather's body, crumpled on his throne, his ancient beard flecked with red as his single eye stared lifelessly at him, his shattered, bleeding body still with death._

_His mother lay crumbled against the stairs, her body contorted and shredded, cooling puddles of blood continuing to drip down the golden stairs. He only recognized her by the ragged mop of blonde hair above her mangled face, dripping crimson._

_Thor...perfect, glorious Thor._

_The warrior prince was still alive, crawling towards him, a bloodied stump where his hand should have been; leaving streaks of the precious life fluid against the immaculate floors. His leg was mangled, his foot nearly facing backwards, blood staining his gritted teeth as he looked up at the younger prince._

_"You..." Thor snarled, furious tears dripping through the dirt and blood that streaked his face. "How could you...?"_

_Loki stared, blinking in horror at Thor's shattered demeanor. He slowly reached down towards him, to lift him (his idol, his protector, his brother,). "Thor..."_

_Loki froze. His hand..._

_"You **Beast**..."_

_Blue. Cold and carved with fearsome marks across his fingers, trembling with some unknown fear. Slathered with the blood of his family, a poison sinking into his skin. His hand..._

**_WhatamIwhatamIwhatamIwhatamI?_**

_His mind, tumbling into the dark, the Void clawing at his body and robbing him of sensation and thought, drowning in the nothingness of space._

_Barren moons, cruel hands touching and tearing at him, his skin crackling like paper in a fire, dark voices whispering soft cruelties and soothing promises of release that made him want to sob and vomit all at once._

**_Death must be served... _**

**_Death will always be served..._**

_A blinding white light-_

()()()()()()

Loki shot up in bed, a choked gasp escaping pale lips as magic flew to his fingertips, ready to attack his tormentors-

His room was empty.

He glanced around, holding his breath, ears straining for signs of an intruder. The muted sounds of cars driving below, the soft lights shining through his window, casting a gentle golden light in his shadowed apartment. He waited.

It was silent.

He released his breath, fighting back a shiver of relief as his shoulders relaxed, his heart still racing in his chest. The trickster reached up, running slender fingers through tangled black locks as he closed his eyes._ It's over. He cannot reach you here. **They** cannot reach you here. Nothing can reach you here. You are fine._

He took a deep breath.

It was difficult.

He tried again.

It caught in his throat.

He gritted his teeth, clenching his fingers in his hair. No. The time for weeping over oneself was long past.

_Never again._

Loki took a deep breath, letting his hand fall from his hair as he stood with a shaky sigh, determined to pretend the fading sting in his eyes was never there.

He didn't sleep for the rest of the night.


	2. Koyaanisqatsi

Koyaanisqatsi (_Hopi_) - "_nature out of balance_"; a way of life that is so unbalanced that one needs for a new way of living

* * *

Nine months since the fall.

Five months since the Void.

Four months since he arrived on this backwater realm, half forgotten by the rest of Yggdrasil.

He stared at the window panes, soaked with raindrops and casting shadows in the pale room. A large mug of tea sat in his palm, faint wisps of steam curling against his face in the cool morning air, yet, as comforting as he found the drink, he couldn't seem to bring himself to drink it.

Four months since he'd woken up in that Midgardian hospital, swathed in bandages and struggling to even stand on his own feet.

Four months of hiding among library books shelves and fleeing from city to city, gathering every scrap of knowledge he could find and creating a new identity for himself.

Four months of being antagonized by mortals, threatening, chasing, at times, even trying to attack him to get their hands on his power and magic. They wanted to make him into a fine chess piece for their mortal games for power, money, and domination over others.

_But even villains should know monsters are rarely seen wearing leashes..._

Loki sighed, running a hand over his face, letting the warmth of his mug sink into his cold fingers. Funny how all the stories about heroes and monsters in Asgard all conveniently forgot to mention how monsters could be robbed of sleep as well...

How long has it been since he'd slept without exhaustion or pain to smooth it's path?

How long has it been since he'd had a dream without blood or death or betrayal tainting his mind?

_How long...?_

The spells over his front door suddenly tingled against his skin, warning him of the intruder standing before it.

Loki sighed, closing his eyes as he sagged briefly against the beaten cushions of the couch._ For the love of the Norns, what **now**? Was it his destiny now to be forever condemned to being harrassed by these persistent hounds?_

He stood slowly, straightening his shoulders and his keeping his expression blank as he heard the soft rap of knuckles against his door, stiffly putting his tea down before moving to answer it.

The door cracked open as Loki peered down at the unassuming man standing before him, wearing a black suit and meeting his gaze with calm blue eyes. The little man smiled, holding up a badge and ID.

"Hello Mr. Silfer. My name is Agent Phil Coulson from SHIELD. May I come in and ask you a few questions?"

Loki fought down the tension that suddenly lanced through his body, and worked to keep his expression mildly surprised at the Agent's inquiry. "May I ask what for?" He asked, blinking at the man before him.

"It deals with the various agents that have come to talk to you for the past 3 months."

Loki_ did_ tense that time. But before he could do so much as reach for his magic, the man spoke again.

"And I feel that I should mention that if something happens to me, there is a highly trained sniper outside with enough firepower to make this apartment look like the remains of World War II." The Agent said, as if he were mentioning something he'd heard in the news rather than a threat against Loki's person.

Loki was stiff, his jaw tense for a long moment, before he slowly reached up to undo the lock over his door. He let it swing open, his expression hard and blank as he stepped back to make more room for the mortal.

"A wise decision." Agent Coulson said with a smile, before stepping into the small apartment, glancing around at the lack of furnishings.

Loki turned, glaring after the agent, closing the door after him sullenly.

As the agent seated himself onto the couch Loki had just vacated, Loki lightly strode forward, raising an elegant eyebrow at the man as he crossed his arms.

"So what will it be this time? Offers of riches? Of power? A gentle hand to lift me from my humble abode? Or perhaps a threat? Torture? If you are going to go down that route you'll have to practice your creative skills. I've heard that particular one far too often." Loki said, watching the agent as he strode around the couch, lazily pacing the space.

"No." The Agent smiled from his seat. "Our organization doesn't do torture. Or power. More often than not we're the ones who keep it in check." He said. "In fact, that's probably part of why my organization's name is SHIELD."

Loki held back a snort as he paced, his gaze calculating as he moved thoughtfully.

"SHIELD specializes with individuals with unusual abilities."

"Such as?" Loki asked, not looking at the agent as he walked.

"Such as the ability to appear in a flash of light at Central Park sustaining severe injuries that would make Jack the Ripper proud. The ability to escape a secured hospital ward without any eyewitnesses or security footage of doing so. The ability to convince top agents to tell you highly confidential government secrets, and then vanish into thin air afterwards." Agent Coulson said, with an air of patience that would have put Eir to shame back in Asgard-

_**No**__. _

_Not now. _

_Not **ever**. _

**_Focus_**.

Loki crossed his arms, stopping to stare down the remarkably placid agent as he wrestled down the urge to simply _end_ this mortal who had the gall to confront him in his home. It made his fingers itch fiercely. "And what would your_ fine_ establishment do with someone with abilities such as these?" He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"That information's classified." The Agent said shortly. "But if my gut instinct is right, you'll find that our organization will be of great interest to you."

Loki was silent, and began to slowly pace again. "And what gives you cause to believe I would be interested in your organization? I could be a criminal, or a spy. Perhaps I'm a thief. Perhaps even a potential invader."

"A possibility, but unlikely." The Agent replied smoothly. "After your unusual arrival, we kept an eye out on several reports. We've counted four minor league hostiles, and one potentially hazardous one that have approached you in these last few months. Two of which have ceased all activity afterwards, and were later found to be deceased."

Loki let a small smile twitch at the corner of his mouth, and raised his chin confidently. "There have been seven encounters with these...hostiles. And all are positive they _must_ be my superior on the playing field. Their mistake really."

Coulson's eyebrows raised minutely. "Seven...how'd we miss...- nevermind. To answer your question, I believe that if you were a potential criminal mastermind, you would have left a lot more destruction behind you than you currently have. Wherever you came from, and I know you're not from earth, we have the 911 call to prove it; I believe you've grown attached to the people around you. Otherwise you wouldn't have made such a huge effort to turn people's heads away, so to speak, if you were interested in their offers."

"And you believe I am interested in yours?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I've yet to be stabbed brutally through the chest. I'd tentatively label that as 'above disinterest'."

Loki snorted. "And what exactly, are you trying to offer me Agent Coulson?" Loki asked, stopping to tower over the seated mortal.

"An alternative." Agent Coulson said. "Employment and protection against these other people who are seeking you out."

"And attempted kidnapping and assault fall under the category of 'alternative'?" Loki asked, his tone sharp as his green eyes hardened as he clenched his fists.

"Downside of working on covert operations." Coulson replied unabashed. "Simply asking isn't always what comes to mind first."

That was...true enough...He thought as he turned away, walking over to the window to stare down at the rain soaked streets below, his gaze thoughtful as he looked. "And what," he began "would happen should I become interested in your project? What happens next?"

The Agent smiled genially. "Well, I'd ask if we could go somewhere private to talk, where your landlady is less likely to walk in on our conversation."

Loki's lips pursed, narrowing his eyes at the mention of the gentle old woman who lived in the apartment just below. Manipulation. Leading him away from witnesses, casually mentioning one of the many innocents he had met since arriving in this city. Paranoia was ingrained into his soul, and couldn't afford to trust.

Perhaps he'd never trust again.

"You would be wise to see yourself out Mr. Coulson."

The Agent sighed, standing up smoothly. "It was worth a try." Coulson said to himself, before reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out a crisp white business card. "You can reach me by this phone number if you change your mind." He said lightly, placing the card down onto the worn coffee table.

"Noted."

The Agent straightened his coat, and walked out, the faint squeak and click of the door announcing his departure. Loki sat still, staring at the card on the coffee table. It was not what he was expecting. It was...well, he certainly wasn't expecting _that_ in the least...

He stood, reaching over to pick up the card from the table as he reclaimed his seat from earlier, taking a sip from his cooling mug of tea as he did so.

It was blank. No logos, no email, only the name 'Phil Coulson', and what was doubtless his phone number.

_An alternative..._

Loki tossed the card down next to his portable house phone, before flicking on the old television set.

_"Today Tony Stark releases the newest in his line of..."_


	3. Estro

Estro - (_Portuguese_) - inspiration, enthusiasm and passion for art

* * *

Loki allowed his hands to brush over the aged and worn books along the library shelves, silently inhaling the soft scent of dust and aged paper. Pale and slender fingers traced the gold stitching in the binding, before clasping it and letting it slide free of it's brethren and into his awaiting hands. He moved back over to the table settling it into his pile of history, science, and literature he had gathered.

He sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to ignore the blonde SHIELD agent sitting several tables away, her midgardian earbuds (which Loki had overheard music playing while passing various mortals in the street) silent of all sound, except for a soft buzzing, to which her expression would subtly shift and her lips would move almost imperceptibly.

Now, Loki would normally play along with their act, pretending to be the oblivious fool against their movements, before cornering them as soon as he led them into his own personalized traps. But his troubled...dreams of late, coupled with the Midgardian's unusual offer and his excuses he had to offer to his kind landlady had robbed him of his energy, and left him weary and drained.

He settled into his seat wearily, pulling the book on the "Computer Sciences: Security and Cryptography" and immersing himself in the unfamiliar terminology.

However, he had barely made it to the fifth page before the clatter of a purse against the table startled him out of his reading. Before he could look up and glare at the intruder of his peace, the figure had already claimed the seat across from him. "Hey there book boy."

He looked up, meeting the warm chocolate brown eyes of Skye, the unusual tenacious mortal he had gotten to know during his stay on Midgard. She smiled, putting her laptop on the table as she sat across from him.

"You didn't answer my calls." She said, crossing her arms on the table top as she stared at him, unyielding.

Loki sighed, fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose against the headache building there. "I was...busy...last night." He said, turning his attention back to his book, resting this index and middle finger against his temple, trying to focus on the words there.

"You're always busy." Skye said bluntly, and looked down at the book beneath Loki's fingers. "So, out to devour more information today?" She asked, chuckling as Loki spared her a mildly irritated look.

"Gotcha. Zipping the lips now." She said, mimicking the action with a mischievous smile.

They lapsed into silence, Loki sinking into his reading and briefly forgetting the world around him, immersing himself in computer codes, crypto analytic attack strategies, and various computer encryptions.

For a moment, he was at peace...

Until Skye's hand began to tap his arm.

"What?" He asked, not looking up from his book.

"Um, Loptr."

Her tone was slightly worried, and slightly tight. He looked up from his book, seeing her expression as she glanced over his shoulder. He silently cursed SHIELD for following him, even if it was of his own will today.

"That blonde chick has been looking over at you for like, the past half hour, and I don't think she's checking you out." She said quietly, her eyes flicking back to his.

He could easily see the tension rising in her, the tension he has become familiar with in recent months. The stress in her shoulders, the tight pulling of her lips, the subtle shifting in weight in her seat..._preparing to run... _

Loki stood, pushing his seat back casually as he walked over to her side of the table. "I'm in the mood for coffee. How about you?" He asked, holding out a hand for her to take.

Skye looked up at him, opening her mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the sharp look Loki gave her. _Trust me. _

"Um, yeah...I could go for some coffee right about now..." She said, her tension betrayed only by the brief glance at the agent once more before she took Loki's hand and stood, grabbing her laptop as they quickly began to make their way towards the door.

The Agent moved to stand as well, and with a subtle twist of his fingers, her chair inexplicably became stuck in place, unable to slide it back against the carpet, leaving the agent stuck against the desk.

"Follow me." Loki said, pulling her behind him, weaving around the bookshelves as Loki's keen hearing picked up the sound of another Agent nearby, muttering into his earpiece. Loki turned around the corner of the hallway, ducking into another hallway and into another room, hearing the agents footsteps on their heels. He could hear Skye's breath picking up, her hand squeezing his as she tried to keep up with him. He pulled her behind a bookshelf as the agent walked past, waiting until he had passed the corner, before quickly moving towards one of the emergency exits nearby.

"This way." He said, ushering her down the stairs, peering through the crack of the door for any signs of being followed, before sliding the door closed after them, darting down the steps and bursting out into the street through the emergency doors. Well, that was the first time he had escaped without the plan going horribly wrong in centuries-

Skye whirled on him, her expression wide and frightened. "Who were they? Why did-"

"_Not Here_. And _Not Now_." Loki said firmly, grasping her arms firmly. "I promise I will explain, I promise. But _not __**here**_."

Skye stared at him, clutching her laptop to her chest as she looked into his eyes. Whatever she was looking for, she seemed to find, and she sagged with a sigh. "Fine. Not here then." She relented, looking around in the side alley they had gone into. "But I really do want to go get coffee." She said, looking up at him firmly.

Loki smiled crookedly, letting his hands fall from her shoulders.. "Well, I can't go back on my word now can I?"

()()()()()()

(Four months earlier)

Loki could feel the claws hooking into his flesh, tearing into him, ripping him open -

He gasped, arching up and off of the bed, glazed green eyes leaping into focus. He gasped for breath, taking in his surroundings, his heart beating harshly against his ribs, as if it were trying to break open his chest.

White linens around his waist, pale sunlight coming in through the window. A bitter sterile smell cloying at the back of his throat, a thin gown wrapped around his thin, bandaged body.

He froze.

It worked.

He had escaped.

It worked.

A deep shuddering tremor ran through his frame, and a shuddering breath (frighteningly close to a sob) escaped his lips. He pressed his fingers to them, fighting back the stinging burn behind his eyes as he closed them, struggling to take deep breaths.

Suddenly, he noticed the plastic covering his fingers, and the incessant beeping that was coming from one of the machines beside him. Thinking them restraints, he quickly ripped them off, ignoring the sharp wailing of the machine, ripping out the thin plastic tube that had been buried into his hand. He gasped slightly in pain, his movement causing his torso to suddenly throb with a bone deep pain. He looked down, spotting a reddening bandage strapped to his left rib through the loose collar of his medical gown.

_Broken,_ he thought, reaching down to press a still trembling hand against it, skilled fingers pressing lightly. He bit back a hiss as his arm brushed a still healing burn on his chest, and pulled back.

He wasn't healed.

But it was more than what he had ever had in the Void.

_It was enough._

_It would **have** to be enough._

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, pushing himself onto unsteady, shaky legs. He growled to himself, ignoring the watery quality of his legs in favor of trying to move towards the door.

Suddenly, the door opened, and a young man stepped into the room. "Woah, hey, you're up!" He began, stepping towards him.

"Do not touch me."

The man stopped, blinking in confusion. "What?"

"I said, do not touch me." Loki growled, glaring up at the man.

"Al...alright..." He said, staying where he was.

"Where am I?"

"New York City hospital. A jogger found you in Central Park early yesterday morning. You've sustained serious injuries-"

"Midgard..." Loki muttered, his eyes calculating. _Of all the places to end up..._

The man stared, before seeming to harden himself. "Sir, you should get back to bed. You need to rest-"

Loki's magic, tingling along the edge of his raw nerves, was weak, and aching. But it could do this.

He saw the runes in his mind's eye, weaving the incantation, and allowed it to lace his words. "I believe you should take me out of this building. Don't you agree?" He breathed, almost too soft to hear.

The man seemed to pause, his will only able to hold strong for perhaps a second or two, before nodding almost absentmindedly. "Why don't I let you out of this building?" He suggested.

"And perhaps some clothes as well?"

"And we should get you some clothes. I hear it's going to be a cold one." Loki nodded, leaning against the bed as the man went into a nearby closet, pulling out a simple blue shirt with dark blue pants, handing them to Loki to wear.

Loki painstakingly slipped into the clothing, his limbs strongly protesting such movement so early into the healing process. Loki shuddered, but bit his tongue, continuing to slip his arms into the sleeves. He took a second to catch his breath, fighting down the tremors that ached down to his bones.

He turned to the Midgardian healer. "Lead the way."

Loki cloaked himself in magic, letting the man lead him out of the hospital as he limped invisibly through the busy hallways. There were many patients in each room, coughing, sniffling, anxious whispers and desperate prayers drifting out of nearly every door. It made Loki ponder why exactly Thor was so desperate to protect these mortals who seemed to be dying by the hour.

It didn't matter. Loki thought, turning away from their hushed, dying breaths. He was alive. He had survived. And he would continue to survive, a burning flame against the cruelties that Fate sought to smother him with. _I am Loki._ He thought as he stepped into the sunlight. _And I will not be snuffed out._


End file.
